Just wanna be with you

I dont know dont ask me what is wrong

2012-02-13T17:22:00.001+08:00

I know i shouldn't be emoish because there's nothing to be sad abt.
Yes it's probably me. I let my guard down again and just let myself be me.
I think i made the same mistake again.
Why is pretending that there's nothing wrong seem so hard.
Just so tired of all this drama. Wanna hide somewhere.

maybe i did sth wrong

2012-02-12T22:30:00.001+08:00

somehow it's affecting me.

gah few more months and i'll be out of this hell.

till then, 忍

^^

2012-02-05T22:54:00.003+08:00

It's in the air

2012-02-01T22:44:00.002+08:00

There is something wrong

the problem is i dont know what exactly is wrong

and i did that...

2012-01-09T00:28:00.002+08:00

things always turn out this way i guess....

i'm still thankful i got the easy way....

i'm the bad guy yet none is scolding me...

thank you... is all i have to say

Second thoughts?

2012-01-04T10:54:00.001+08:00

I'm sitting in the canteen nw after finishing the school tour briefing. Well... I guess I should update about what I did yesterday I guess...

Reported at 9am at the amphi for the first day of ogl camp. Collected out orientation bags and took attendance. Had a briefing then did recap of the school songs and cheers. There quite few ogls in terra this year...

After cheers we broke up into the ogs for the camp. At least knew a few people in my OG. We went for lunch then after that was station games. Before station games started felt a little xian. Was just standing outside the hall on my own. Just didn't have the mood and all. Almost regretted joining. I'm kinda worried abt choir as well. So yea hence the title of the post.

Things perked up a little during the games. It was quite fun this year's games. Not as gross as last year. Got wet and got a little closer to the group ppl. After that was mass dance session and this year's dance is nice. Nicer than insomnia I feel but much harder to learn. There's a lot of body waves though haha.

After that was terra walk in practice. Due to me just learnt the dance 2 days ago, I was super blur. Did as much as I could rmb. Was always slower than the others haha. Though there was 2 jh super nice ogls that said I danced well:) hehe they looked at my family tee and was like ' wah choir and u dance so well, some more just learnt only'

After that had dinner with weikai and Alicia. Was damn tired so didn't do any home work when I got home. I'm probably gonna be dead when school reopens.

The music comm going for lunch at manhattan fish market today!!:( I can't go coz of ogl camp:( haiz sad ttm. But Alicia boguht me a hairband frm korean and it was so pretty:) hehe

Happy New Year

2012-01-02T23:51:00.003+08:00

HAPPY NEW YEAR~ i know i'm a day late but haha it's still the new year:) it's the time when you make new year resolutions and know that you'll never keep to them.

on new's years day woke up super late since i slpt at 3am that day. Ate mee hoon kuey which didnt taste that good:( then decided to call some last minute plans and went to KAP to study.

KAP was relatively empty which was good. did a bit of maths, got tired and didnt want to do.

I guess i spent my new year's well though it was a day to do homework.

Today woke up early, a bit late in meeting someone. Went to play a bit of basketball then took a bus to KAP to slack off time before meeting Jessica for dance practice. The terra couple dance is so hard:( i feel like i'm turning round in circles. Anyways i hope i still can rmb the dance till tmr. Since OGL camp starts tmr

After dance went to cineleisure to meet Ziyu and Zhuomin for a mini gathering and catching up session. Ate nihon mura yumyum:) hehe walked arnd tried to look for birthday presents and caps for zhuomin but failed in the end. It was fun still:) Really enjoyed today:)

2011 is almost coming to an end

2011-12-30T18:08:00.002+08:00

Nothing much interesting happened over the pass few days. Basically it was just studying and going for choir. Maybe the only thing was i cut my hair. It's almost the same just shorter. I kinda like this hair style better than the layered one.

It's almost coming to the end of 2011. I wouldnt say that this year was an awesome year but it has been a year that made me learn, experience and grow a lot. I know i complained a lot in the first half of the year saying i miss my secondary school life which i do but come to think of it, maybe it's time to let go and just live to the fullest. I've made friends whom i'll never forget and i believe they're the ones that will stick it through with me even in the toughest of times. this was certainly something i didnt expect in JC. Of course, my secondary school friends... i miss u all so, how we get crazy and all. I wont forget u all either.

This year has been an exciting one nevertheless. Especially with all the choir activities. Singing for MOE dinner, Concert with alumni (playing bridge while eating dinner HAHA), choir camp and many more. All the study sessions, bridge sessions, pool sessions, dinners.

My recent trip to korea as well. I've never enjoyed a holiday so much, got to widen so much of my horizon, eat really good food, explore so much of seoul. It was really an interesting holiday.

i wont have time to update tmr before 2012 comes in as i'll be at the annual new year eve ball... thus i'm writing this now. hoping to have an awesome 2012. HAPPY NEW YEAR:)

Boxing Day:)

2011-12-26T21:33:00.002+08:00

Happy boxing day. it's a day for punching ppl who didnt get you a present haha just kidding

hope u all got presents:) well i didnt but i'm good with the christmas card:)

woke up at 11.45am today. super awesome considering how i have been waking up at 8am everyday. woke up then went to tiong bahru golden village to watch mission impossible ghost protocol with my family and aunt vivien they all. The show was quite action. every plan of theirs always ends up in havoc and never going as planned. some parts of their speech was hilarious, just like sherlock holmes which had quite a lot of intellectual jokes in their speech thus it was quite entertaining:)

After the show we headed to somewhere near chinatown's An Xiang Hill, opposite maxwell food court to have some high tea. the ambience was really classy and french looking but tbh the food wasnt exactly fantastic and the price was on the high side. wouldnt go back there but wells everything's worth a try. Discussed the korean quiz with Shi Yinn. Had to write some 100 words essay on my birthday party in korean. tbh i was quite irritated by the quiz coz it was quite hard.

After that we went to singapore flyer's food trail to have dinner. the food there is super awesome. (i'll bring you there someday~) had bak kut teh and the soup was super nice:) my dad ate the meat, i just drank the soup. and my dad went to ask the uncle for refill of the soup. the uncle just gave:) how nice:D the setting of the place was like singapore in the 1960s...really cool

there's choir tmr. should go learn the song a bit just in case.

Finally updating

2011-12-25T18:00:00.001+08:00

Hehe been so lazy the past few days so I didn't update at all.

Well been spending my time trying to do the holiday homework which I will most likely not be able to complete

Oh yah! MERRY CHRISTMAS!! Its the most romantic festive time of the year. It beats valentines day in my opinion. Really wanna celebrate a white Christmas with my husband in the future. Sounds childish but it's just so romantic and libra-ians are just hopeless romantics.

Today went out early to pass Christmas cards. Spent some quality but short time together then I took bus to causeway point to meet my family for lunch at crystal jade. My grandma and my youngest aunt was there:) haven't seen my grandma in a log time. She can't walk a lot nowadays:( she was so cute. My mum scolded her for goin to shop and save which is quite far away. Then my grandma say she very long never go le. But her very long was 3 days haha:) so cute:)

After lunch we sent them home then went to buy some stuff to bring to the hotel rm at MBS where my aunt is to celebrate Christmas. So here i am nw in the hotel rm while everyone is up swimming. Don't like swimming idk why. Land activities are fine. Rmb how I was forced to learn how to swim when I was young. Never gone into swimming pool for like years.

Oh saw pioneer jc ppl at MBS I think they are caroling. Saw them in the white gown that makes them look like they getting married. I wanna carol too:) maybe next year if I don't go overseas.

~baby all I want for Christmas is you~

DMZ

2011-12-16T22:30:00.001+08:00

Today was probably the most interesting day of the holiday. Woke up at 6.50 today and don on many layers of clothes. Today's temperature was -6 degrees and we would be doing a fair bit of outdoor sight seeing so we wore quite a lot of layers.

Left the metro hotel and walked to the nearby lotte hotel to board a bus that would allow us to tour the demilitarized zone of south Korea.

I should fast forward to the touring part haha. An hour bus ride to the place. Security was quite tight and we were constantly asked to show our passports. First stop was the 3rd tunnel. Apparently north Korea had dug underground tunnels that would lead to Seoul frm the north korea side of the boundary. These tunnels were found by south Korea before they were completed. 4 tunnels in total were found and we were allowed to visit the 3rd tunnel. The tunnel was really low so I was kinda half squatting throughout the whole walk. Thank goodness for helmet coz I knocked twice onto the roof of the tunnel. Can't imagine other taller people walking in there.

After that we visited the do ra observatory. Over there we had a landscape view of the dmz and in the far far background we could see gaesong city, the 3rd largest city in north Korea. In the dmz there are 2 villages. One on each side of the boundary. On the south Korea side it's called the freedom city where they are people living. On the north Korea side there is also a village called propaganda village. They built that village to show the south that their side is prospering as well but in actual fact no one stays there. Hence it's only for propaganda.

Then we went to dorasan station. The last train station in south Korea. The train goes to pyeongyang but it's closed. It's quite a big train station because south Korea planned for the future where they unify with north and that a train would be able to run to Europe.

After that we visited a park where the freedom bridge was located. After the Korean war, the north and south returned the prisoners of wars on that bridge hence it's name as well. There were a lot of ribbons tied on the gate at the end of the bridge. I suspect they were wishes of hopes of unification of the 2 Koreas.

After that we went for lunch. After lunch we visited the joint security area.
This was the awesome part. Had a through security check and a briefing we took a military bus to the exact border. I'll upload a photo later haha. The grey buildings are north korea's while the blue ones belongs to the UN. There was a north Korean soldier on the building with a binoculars looking at us. It was a bit scary there coz there was a chance of open fire. It was a small chance but it was still quite scary We didn't spend a long time there. They quickly chased us out coz the longer we stayed there the higher the chance of something happening.

Boarded the bus and frm the bus we visited the bridge of no return. We weren't allowed to alight frm the bus. I'll upload a photo as well. The bridge was that once u crossed u would be at north Korea and there would be no return hence the name of the bridge as well.

Then we came to the end of the tour. Took an hour ride back to seoul. After that we had seafood stew for dinner which was super yummy. Bought new shoes. Yay got new converse. Bought a blue one this time. Love the color.

Tmr going out early again. Tired and cold haha

Paju premium outlet

2011-12-15T21:37:00.001+08:00

Woke up pretty early today. Headed up to the highest floor of the hotel to have breakfast. After that we headed to the metro/subway to take train to hapjeong where we took a bus to the premium outlet.

Taking bus in Korea is so hard! Had to listen really closely to the broadcasting system to know where to alight. We eventually reached though:) The weather was so cold today... Brrr When the wind blew we really literally became ⛄ after visiting the info booth to get VIP coupons, the mums decided to go to the hyeiri art museum first before shopping.

So had to be a bit of a tour guide and find out how to go. We got a bit lost but after walkin a short distance, we found the place. Saw the action school where they filmed secret garden(my fav drama^^) and the bookstore where they filmed running man(variety show). The weather made everything very hard to be appreciated so I was kinda gloomy and wasn't really interested.

At arnd 12 we decided to head back to the premium outlet to shop. Before shopping we had lunch:) I had Japanese omu rice. Weird to be eating japanese food in Korea but it tasted great:)

We walked frm shops to shops. Left at arnd 5pm. Reached back hotel at 7 and then went for dinner. We decided to check out the ginseng chicken shop at Myeongdong. Cannot compare to the one we ate earlier. That one was much much nicer:)

After that we walked the streets of Myeongdong again. Temperature was -5 degrees today! Super duper cold:/ bought some snacks frm the street stalls. Due to the cold we soon made our way back to the hotel

Tmr we're going to the demilitarized area of Korea where north and south met so I have to slp early coz i have to wake up at 6am tmr.

Muju ski resort -> Myeongdong

2011-12-14T20:44:00.001+08:00

Today was also quite a slack day. Woke up at 8.45am. I realized the good thing about going overseas by your own is that u have more freedom over the timings. I rmb when I was touring Japan with Chan brothers tour group, I had to wake up at like 7am in the morning.

Anyways woke up and went down for breakfast. After breakfast we headed back to the hotel room to finish packing. Since the bus that we would be taking back to Seoul was leaving at 1pm we had a lot of time to laze arnd and look arnd.

Continued slacking at the hotel. Armd 11am we decided to go walk arnd. Didn't want to wear my boots so I was wearing converse shoes. The ground was slippery. At some point I lost my balance and almost fell down. Klutz as usual. Quite the common to be seeing me fall. Other times I knocked my head on the cable car door and the mini van door. This is what happens when u're too tall haha:P

Headed to the bus terminal at 12.15pm. We were like lost sheeps trying to find the correct bus. Found the correct bus eventually and boarded it. The seats were really big and comfortable hehe. Slpt throughout the 3 hr bus journey. When reached we took a 40 min train ride on the subway to our hotel. Their subway doesn't have escalators and since my dad was already lugging a haversack I had to handle the luggage up and down the staircases. The luggage was quite heavy but ok still manageable.

Reached the hotel settled down and went out to search for the famous hot stone rice in Myeongdong. The hot stone rice was super super nice:) hehe.

After dinner we walked arnd the streets of Myeongdong. Did a bit of shopping etc. stopped by a tea house for desserts. Their green tea cheese tiramisu was so freakin nice:) I ordered honey apple milk tea which was equally awesome and unique. After that we walked back to our hotel. Somehow Myeongdong reminds me of orchard road only more awesome.

Tmr we're going to paju premium outlet to shop:) whee. Just that we need to wake up at 7am tmr:/ aw wells

Anyways I still find the image of u surrounded by kids hilarious. Not to mention the little girl being jealous that other ppl wants to play with u haha

Slack day

2011-12-13T21:17:00.001+08:00

Was about to slp then I realized I haven't updated about today. Today was a super slack day:)

Woke up abt 8.30. Then went down to the hotel restaurant for brkfast. After breakfast we walked to the gondola area to take a cable car up to the highest peak of the muju resort.

The mountains were really scenic haha. The weather was really good as well. About 5 degrees today after taking photos etc we had lunch there and went back down

Then the kids went to ski and I was too lazy to go so I just lazed arnd the room and took a nap. Pig yes I know hahaha

Walked over the hotel to the shopping belt to take dinner. Dinner was awesome:) the meat was super nice once it was barbecued!! Super nice:)

After dinner then go back to hotel haha tmr going back to seoul city. Whee that's when the fun starts.

Ski resort!

2011-12-12T21:27:00.001+08:00

Woke up really early today. Had a quick brkfast. And checked out of the Hotel. Headed to the main road and boarded the bus to the bus station that will bring us to the ski resort. The person in charge of bringing us to the station as my uncle said was trying to pick me up. He was some uni student in a dance grp. Haha not bad looking but whatever hahaha

3 hr bus ride to muju ski resort and slp on the bus thru the whole journey. Neck was aching after that haha
When we reached it was lightly snowing. Temperature of arnd 1degrees celsius.

Checked in into a really royal looking hotel and when to the ski shop to rent equipment. Only needed the ski boots and ski as I had the others.

At 2pm we met our ski instructor. To be really honest he was quite good looking haha. We learnt the basic like how to fall, how to brake etc
After that we went up the slope. Fell down as we came down. After a few tries we got it. But I still found it hard to brake.

Ski-ed until abt 4.30pm then ate kimchi ramyeon at the cafe located at the base of the ski slope. Went up deposited the ski equipment and went over to eat dinner. Found a pizza place and decided to just eat dinner there.

After dinner we headed over to a sauna place. Really fun. Went into salt rooms of temperatures 50+ degrees. There was a room that was 80degrees celsius. I merely stood at the door and i already couldn't take the heat.

Left the place arnd 9.30pm. And went back to the hotel. Btw I realized all the timings i've typed are in Korean time so it's 1 hr ahead of Singapore time:)

Tmr is quite a slack day which is good.
I kinda miss home but I think I'll feel better when I'm back in Seoul city and that's when all the shopping begins:)

Today was warmer:)

2011-12-11T21:47:00.001+08:00

안녕하세요:)
Day 3 of Korea trip. Woke up a bit later today and almost missed the breakfast time provided in the hotel/home stay. Today's breakfast was nice:) porridge and some side dishes. Love the egg haha

After that we took a taxi to the Korean tourist organization. Got some free money in a Korean pass provided by them. Steal wifi for a while then left and walked to insadong. A traditional street in Korea

Quite a distance but walkin is always ok for my family. Saw the cafe where they filmed we got married for the yongseo couple. Walked along the street got some nice keychains etc. stopped by a shop that was sellin red bean cake shaped like a poop. Quite cute so we bought 3 to try.

After that we walked to buchon village where all the traditional Korean houses are. Walked up hills etc just to take photos of the view. Quite scenic but my legs were all protesting along the way.

We walked back to gyeongbukgung palace and walked to the other side of the palace which is quite a distance away as u know palace are huge places. Found the famous ginseng chicken soup restaurant where the former president often visited. The soups is super nice like serious. And the ginseng is like really the root itself. Yum:) anyways had lunch and took a taxi to the namsan tower

Talked to the taxi driver a bit with my broken korean. He was really friendly. At namsan tower we took a cable car up. At the tower we brought a lock and literally lock up our wishes there. It was really a pretty sight where the whole gate was filled with locks and words of wishes on the locks. Went up to the observatory tower but was cloudy so didn't really see much.
Came back down and locked another lock which was really special and close to my heart. When I grow up I'm going back there to find it.

After that we walked to myeongdong. Major shopping street. Then we took a train back to our hotel as we were too tired to shop.

Today was much warmer. Not only the weather but my heart as well:)

Day 2 - gyeongbukgung, blue house

2011-12-10T20:57:00.001+08:00

Back in hotel:) roughly update what happened today coz I know my faithful reader is reading:)

Woke up at arnd 7.30 today and had breakfast at the traditional Korean house. Talked about Chinese pinyin. Uncle thomas was going on abt how to pronounce Chinese and knowing him he's bound to make it hilarious.

Left at arnd 9 plus and made our way to the gyeongbukgung palace. The main palace in Korea. Frm there we took a bus to the blue house-presidential house of korea. Did a tour arnd under tight security. The place was really pretty.

After that I made use of my limited Korean to find a nice place for lunch. After lunch we walked to the palace and tour arnd. Also very pretty. And the sun was setting then so the place was really scenic

After that we walked across to Seoul selection which was an english bookstore. Bought a book to inprove my Korean there. The bookshop owner say my Korean is quite good:) made me quite happy but no I still have a long way.

The night set in and it got colder an colder. As if day time was not cold enough at an average of -3 degrees. There was really a lot of police arnd and we kinda suspect that there was a protest somewhere.

Went to another bookstore after taking photos at the king sejong statue coz it was really too cold. Bought 2012 planner which was really nice.

The streets on Korea is really nice to walk on. Idk why but it seems really romantic. Saw loads of couples on dates. And a lot of crazy girls wearing skirts and high heels in this kind of weather I wonder how they survive the cold.

The first thing I did when I reach the hotel was to log in to the wireless. I'm a bit disappointed but I'll survive. Hope that tmr will be warmer

Seoul- day 1

2011-12-10T00:57:00.001+08:00

In Korea now! Haha shall just roughly update abt today though most of it was spent on the plane

Woke up quite late today arnd 10 then got ready to go to the airport
Waited for close to 40 mins trying to call for a cab. For some reason all the cab companies didn't have a cab available near my place.

Reached Airport then check in then went to the kopitiam to eat my favorite mee hoon kuey. Haha gonna miss it a lot.

Boarded the plane. During take off I felt really sad. Like I was leaving some part of me behind in Singapore:/ but anyways the plane ride was ok. With the usual event of having turbulence when I'm in the toliet. They ran out of coke which sucked coz I really crave for coke everytime I'm on a plane.

Landed at arnd 10pm Singapore time. Did immigration took a 1 hr ride to the hotel/ house stay. The room I'm in is like traditional Korean house. Managed to use a bit of my Korean skills haha

Reached hotel and cooked Maggie mee coz the plane served lunch at 4pm instead of dinner so we were all starving. Gonna slp soon as there's a long day ahead tmr:) will update tmr if I'm not too tired

Worried but what to do

2011-12-08T20:07:00.001+08:00

i'm gonna post this back... because u have totally changed me.

Whoosh~

2011-12-07T22:52:00.004+08:00

Was supposed to go Alicia's house for majong on monday but i was too tired to even move out of bed. so i ended up not going. i feel like a spoilsport these days...

even gladwin's friend asked alicia if i was the serious type of people.

gah i'm not. i just know when to have fun when to be serious:/

and my back was getting worse on monday so i went to the doctors.

the doctor suspect it was sickle bone bruise or sth and referred me to xray

so tuesday i went for xray in the morning

turns out there wasnt any fracture which is like obviously or i wouldnt be able to move at all

the doc said it was most probably muscle tension, soft tissue bruise etc

thank goodness it was nothing serious

after visiting the doctors, went for piano at plaza singapura

piano teacher was late so i took the key and went in to practice first.

It wasnt a bad lesson despite me not having any time to practice at all

It was the last lesson for the year since i will be missing this saturday's lesson.

today just slacked arnd house as well. packed my luggage.

flying on friday, 2pm flight:)

11.11 please do your job.

Dead tired

2011-12-05T08:28:00.001+08:00

Just woke up frm 16 hours of slp after the standard chartered CIP. Will try to rmb the events that happen though most are in a hazy blur haha

Had a cold war with my parents yesterday because they didnt allow me to have dinner with Alicia and km and sit at raffles city macs to wait in fear of me getting stabbed by some psycho person. I was irritated by their logic so I did a hunger strike haha. But I felt bad when my dad offered to cook Maggie mee for me at 11pm. But he was the one who said fine u can starve

Dad sent me to raffles city macs at 2.45am and met alicia Gladwin and his friend janelle. We played bridge and then arnd 3.30 we walked to the meeting point. Waited arnd 1.5 hrs for the late comers so we just bridged all the way. Then we were lead to the athletes welfare area for the kids 750m dash. Continued playing bridge and had brkfast since it was alr 5.30am
They asked the guys to help carry the cartons of 100 plus and since Gladwin left we were short of 1 person to play me Alicia and janelle also went to carry
I think I carried arnd 8 cartons in total no wonder my arms are aching like mad today haha

Slacked all the way to abt 8.30 where we got into position to wait for the kids runners. Working with kids is fine. The parents are seriously irritating. Though I managed to work my charm by not getting scolded for telling them to exit the tent, Alicia got some weird parent who would rather argue with her than fetch his 1.5 year old child who is on his own. Some parents couldn't rmb their kids number tag and what their kids were wearing and expected us to help them find. Like seriously u think we have super powers and we know who your child is?! Also helped a child to get a medal by chionging to the tent and back against the flow of ppl. The parent didn't look very appreciative of my effort:/

Arnd the last few mins I ended up talking to the security guard at the barriers. He was really friendly haha it was his 3rd year doing then he was telling me abt the full marathon runners how some ppl are determined to walk the entire 42km.

After awa ended, we were redeployed to the refreshments area for the 42km runners. The padang field was super muddy! Gah we just stationed at one table had our lunch and gave out 100 plus and the energy bars. Some bastards frm neighborhood sch(I'm guessing) were throwing perfectly unopened energy bars into the dustbin as a form of entertainment. Was so pissed at them I almost wanted to swear at them. I managed to hold in my anger but like WTS those things are money and food. There are like poor kids somewhere else unable to eat and they're like throwing in good food. Gah

We saw the power rangers complete the race and even an old uncle with really white hair. We were all cheering when they finished. They have so much determination. I was telling alicia how i would prob only be able to last the 5km run. Then lesser and lesser ppl came thru so I fell asleep on the table

Arnd 2pm we were finally done and went to collect the cip letters and 20$
The queue was freakin long as only one person had the yellow paper for us to sign on. Brian asked if he could come look for us. Alicia seemed really tired and irritated when she replied me and they left so I wandered arnd. Was supposed to go orchard, so told km and Brian to just go hm. No bus at the esplanade there so I made my way slowly to city hall mrt and took a train the orchard. Went home in a while and slp thru dinner till today morning

It was a generally ok CIP. Did a lot of sai kang. I think next year will do the water point. Gladwin said it was more fun.

2 more days to end of hell week

2011-12-03T11:48:00.001+08:00

Just woke up today. Super tired after 2 days of choir camp but nevertheless it was super fun:)

Anyways during the amazing race in the previous post I was sitting with wk at the bookshop as he was patrolling arnd and I was station master there, mr Teo walked past and suddenly started talking to us haha I never knew mr Teo was such a funny person haha

After amazing race we played a bit of captains ball(group 2 and 4 got to play bball) While waiting for lunch to arrive. Had chicken rice and had choir after that. After choir did a mini reflections on what u wanted your section to achieve or what u wanted choir to be like. Some reflections included constant aircon during prac, shorter prac times etc. after that was dinner and then night walk haha an being patrol master we got to patrol the area and scare people. Haha it was quite fun:) after night walk James lost his specs and we were finding it on the slope but ended up trying to free a kitten stuck in the drain haha.

We then went grandstand to bathe and I was quite happy that the sh and jh choir could just sit arnd to play games while waiting to shower. But also quite sad as there weren't any stars in the sky. Nights out wasn't really nights out for us haha we managed to ask mr Ng if we could play cards haha ended up slping at 4.30 and had to wake up at 6am to fill water bombs

Nxt morning we played captains ball and my back got worse during the game coz when we were trying to get the ball we kinda collided into each other. Someone hit my back so I was in acute pain for a while but it was ok after that haha. Then we had water bomb fight. I managed to stay dry surprisingly and avoided Jit corn's pail of water attack haha me and Peng Cheng had water bombs with us and wanted to attack pres after he finished his debrief haha

Short reflection then had ego boosters. That 死Gladwin wrote not bad not bad on my paper hahaha. Then we dismissed and went to tea party to continue playing bridge. Took 961 back with Gladwin. And yea end of camp I went home and fainted on the sofa but got scolded by my parents:(

There's st charted run today 2 more days to end of hell week:) and 6 more days till I fly overseas:)

I think im better today

2011-12-01T11:07:00.001+08:00

Sitting outside the bookshop in school waiting for the next group to arrive. So much for being station master. But quite slack so I actually dont mind:)

Yesterday was choir exchange in LT5 all those hard and arduous practices finally paid off. Though it wasn't a perfect performance and most of the chords were not there, I finally felt everyone trying their best. The comments frm the conductors were somewhat surprising to me to be honest:)

Just a few more days and I'll be overseas:) though I think I'll be screwed because I haven't started on any homework at all. So much for the resolution on working hard during the holidays to catch up on my jc1 work.

I'm just gonna take things as they come. Not expecting anything whatsoever. If things were meant to be this way I guess no matter how far I run the results will always be the same. Just that I don't know who to trust my opinions and thoughts to. Because I know the 3 party objectives will always be biased no matter what. Call me naive or whatever. I want to don't care. But somehow doing that seems to be he hardest thing in the world.

Whatdoya want frm me

2011-11-30T11:20:00.001+08:00

Yesterday came as a reflection point for me again. Just that I was so tired so I just fell asleep without resolving anything in my head

Yea I was thinking about all the stuff we discussed before. It sucks that I didn't have the strength and courage to fully carry out things. It just came as a slap to my face how easily I was manipulated. Yes we discussed this before as well. Like I said before I learnt things the hard way. Guess some part of me just didnt believe and now it just like WTS is wrong with me

So now all I do is just continue fighting against myself. Just when I think I had everything under control, I was clear of myself something just disrupts everything and make a mess in my head. Yea it's fun eh making my life so confused and messy

Whatever. I miss my nonchalant attitude about stuff. I kinda miss my old life as well.

hmmm

2011-11-23T23:27:00.002+08:00

Would u hate me if I pushed u away on purpose?

2011-11-19T12:34:00.001+08:00

Yes things will never be the same again. I shouldn't be even thinking this way. Recently, I've been constantly lag replying people. There's really something wrong with me. Haiz I'm not supposed to fall. Yet on the way back hm yesterday I felt so alone. So lost. So depressed. I'm sorry I'm not good enough. Yes it's all my fault anyways.

and yes the flood gates has opened

2011-11-18T22:58:00.006+08:00

there's nth to say. i just wanna throw away everything and run away

or dig a hole and hide there forever.

i'm really sorry. my uncertainty of myself caused so much fret for everyone

if only i could be better;/

my heart and my mind are at war

my phone password.. haiz

why did things end up like this.

These voices in my head...

2011-11-16T22:58:00.000+08:00

I need to do things to distract myself...

It felt like i was closing a chapter in my life:/

2011-11-14T22:27:00.001+08:00

I feel remorse more than regret

2011-11-13T20:49:00.002+08:00

we made a decision at the crossroads

2011-11-01T09:29:00.003+08:00

Life just loves playing around with us.

it's as if we were chess pieces on a chessboard, waiting for our turn at fate.

So much emotions so much thought so much what ifs...

all i could say was.. i guess we both lost something

a chance at what it could have been

but then it's too late for any regrets

sometimes it sucks so much that these kind of things happen on the day before a major exam

not that i wasnt confident that i could handle it

just that it just didnt feel good in anyway

i just felt resentful... that maybe i had lost to someone else

it's just my pride.

in anycase, ziyu's right

you lost your chance. it's too late anyways

i cant just give up what i have been nuturing

it would inflict me as much pain as before

afterall, pain is the one common experience for all human beings

maybe it's time to let go....

Believe in your heart without forgetting your brain

2011-10-28T11:50:00.002+08:00

I realised i havent been posting much.

There's just so much emotions one can hold that it's a jumble of mess. If u were to ask me how i'm feeling now in words, it'll just be --> asepwndfjofdsnfdiwvbl

Nevertheless we keep up that smile on our face trying not to let the ones around worry

2011-10-24T01:08:00.001+08:00

2011-09-18T22:44:00.000+08:00

Feel like walkin on broken glass

2011-09-05T22:39:00.004+08:00

Lesson from life: everyone's gonna judge u one way or another
So just do what u want to do

But yes I'll reflect and stop being so impulsive and irrational
And maybe let go of what could have been and not fight for anything
Sad maybe this is what happens when I get too comfortable
I need put myself back to my place
Before I get subjected to criticism again:/
And then fall back to ground zero

Fallin For You?

2011-09-03T00:12:00.006+08:00

Was it nice gesture or did u really mean it?

That you would bring your lunch down just to accompany me as i emo-ed

were you truly worried or that you came down just because u were curious or someone told u to?

One Day

2011-09-01T23:42:00.000+08:00

Maybe we're just not that good at adapting to environmental changes:/

living in a pretense

2011-08-18T23:44:00.005+08:00

living in a facade of happiness. sure i'm pretending to be happy

the emptiness is just overwhelming me:/

i know i have no one to blame but myself

everyday i ask... if i had done something or not done something would everything be different

i pretended to not see you. when i did:/

wanted to just walk away but couldnt resist looking back

but then saw you go unaffected

guess i was just some insignificant part of your life.

but well i've always only existed when people needed something or wanted to know something

honestly i really miss how it was before but it's just one sided i guess

i'm the one holding on to the past while everyone has moved on

sometimes....

as i find myself, i do sth stupid to disrupt the status quo

2011-08-10T16:42:00.001+08:00

past week equally busyD: NDC and Seniors Farewell:)

seniors farewell was so sad:/

and a bit the screwed as well. hahaha our performance a bit the fail.

but it's the thought that counts right?!

hahaha:D we stayed in school until 9.30pm

then a few of us headed to KAP to play bridge until 11.45

hahaha broke curfew by 10 mins. reached home at 10 mins past midnight.

should have came home earlier:/ but at least i didnt get scolded

NDC was a bit the sad la

i kinda like some xiao high person that day. just like on friday and wednesday's rehearsal:/

wednesday was the best. weikai alicia left for comm meeting then left me and ongxin in charge.

the PA played the song. then no one was singing

ong xin was like "choir sing leh!"

GAH so embarassing hahaha

Friday's rehearsal was held in the dark. me and ongxin were running like mad trying to get the choir high in full grey.

but it was damn fun:)

the actual natl day celeb

hahah:/ it's hard to get the school high. though i could see ppl were singing

but ms weng said i sang well. i think she heard ongxin's voice not mine. hahaha

after celebrations we celebrated cheena's bdae:)

then went to library to do CIP with choir ppl

help the sort out the books that should be kept and those that should be condemned

while sorting out we were all singing:D

super fun:)

after that we went to cineleisure for lunch and kbox:D

kbox with ong xin yifeng and alicia is fun

but the kbox a bit the scam la. their background music out of tune one

the music start 5 seconds yifeng was like saying sharp! the music out of tune one

we ended up tuning the music down before we could even sing

plus we were using the minus one track

there was some other person in another room

didnt off the orignal singer then every single note she sang clash with the original singer. hahaha so fun. we sang for like 4 whole hours:)

went for nat day parade ytd. was sitting a few seats away from yam ah mee!

hahaha so cool:) but he looked like he was gonna fall asleep hahaha

today was supposed to be homework/study day.

went out to buy milk tea and when walking to mrt to top up card, got one ah ma

asked me for 2 dollars coz she got not enough money

it's probably a scam la but how could i say no right?

i tried la. i told her i dont have 2 dollars. hahaha

but then she ask me if i have 50 cents

which i really dont have so i just gave her 2 dollars

then after top up card saw zhan teng hahah

he chiong from his house to mrt and he supposed to reach yishun at 3pm

but the time he reached mrt was like 2.55 alr.

there's sch again tmr:/ i just managed to pick myself up

i dont want to break down again.

i know i should ignore them but how can i not bother?

i just want to be the simple, carefree and fun person i used to be

Here We Go Again

2011-08-02T23:14:00.005+08:00

Busy busy week:D

italent performance plus njchoir alumni choir

so much fun:)

Friday - chiong the chord progression for acapella parts

finally being able to apply my grade 6 theory into good use

but it's so freakin ironic. we learn how to not do parallelism and perfect cadences

but in pop music it's full of parallelism

so we wrote each sections following classical music standards using contemporary chords:)

my teacher would be proud xD

Had dinner. learnt how to play bridge.

the game is damn fun:D but a bit the hard to learn

Saturday - italent day

woke up late. haha were supposed to be at weikai's house at 9am

but i reached yew tee mrt only at 9am

so i waited for the usual late comer zhisheng and bought james' bdae cake

and since i know where weikai's house is didnt need him to come get us.

didnt get lost like alicia who went to like regent grove instead of windermere

so we started and ended up hogging the piano trying to learn the 4 hand duet for 不能说的秘密

so fun 3 ppl playing the song when it was supposed to be only 2 ppl

then we celebrated james' bade

and went to yew tee cc for the rehearsal

left arnd 4pm for piano lesson. felt a bit bad to ms wong because i didnt practice my scales

and she kept stressing. look at what you're playing!

the performance was quite a good experience. though we were a bit the out of tune

though we didnt win, it was fun:)

after that we went to yew tee macs and play bridge

we left the place at like 11.30pm

if ms lim knew we were out so late one day before alumni concert she'll kill us. HAHA:/

Sunday - NJChoir alumni concert

met gladwin ongxin zhisheng alicia for lunch at causeway point

everyone's so hooked on kart rider:)

hahaha after lunch we walked to republic poly culture centre

singing with the alumni for 夜来香 is so awesome

at least ms lim felt that our performance for paru and uso was not bad:)

YAY hahaha

been so tired but really awesome weekend.

i kinda cant wait to go overseas :D

This one's for you and me Living out our dreams

2011-07-31T23:24:00.002+08:00

Tired:/ update tmr

you probably don't notice me as much i do

2011-07-26T17:54:00.004+08:00

I'm sick. GAH actually since sunday where i had some splitting headache

then monday had flu and felt so unwell.

still i'm not one who knows my priorities so i still went out for dinner

Ong Xin says it must be because of James and Gladwin that i'm so sick now.

But i had a lot of fun with Gladwin trying to guess who James like

he better not let us find out because we're quite good at guessing

Gladwin was using chinese, trying to act all pro and all coz i used the wrong 成语 at the wrong time. which is so me hahaha

So went to the doctors yesterday and got MC:)

not that i really wanted to miss school today because was getting back econs and chinese

and there's choir and all.

but the medicine made me so drowsy.

i passed Econs:) hehe. not a really good mark but at least it's a pass:/

i passed GP as well but realised how lousy my english is after coming to NJC

been using chinese so frequently that i failed the language part of the GP paper.

HAHAHA not that my chinese is really that good either

somehow i've always wanted to skip school and all

but when i finally have a reason not to come. i miss it. a little

being able to see my friends and well you from afar

you probably wont even realise that i'm not in school today

i complain about how scary my class is, but i still want to go.

maybe it's already become a part of me.

but on days when i can see you, i feel so much better, even when knowing that you already have someone else that you like

모나리자♥

2011-07-24T23:47:00.004+08:00

for some reason i'm feeling extremely happy today HAHA:D

Friday was such a emotion roller coaster ride

super depressed in the morning:/

i think maybe we should just avoid each other

then during chem spa was just laughter

cant believe i mixed up the containers containing FA1 and FA2

then joan went to mix the two in the burette without knowing

then asking why is the burette so hot?!

kana acid that day. 2.00 moldm-3 is no joke. really damn pain

then choir. ms lim started scolding already. and scolding the section leaders now

i'm no longer afraid already. in fact i think i'm become bolder:)

after choir was choir dinner as usual:)

super fun:D learnt how to play bridge.

the game is so confusing. had to make everyone repeat the rules ten thousand times for me

studying on thursday in the canteen is effective leh. maybe i should do that every week:)

need to buck up. 2 more months to promos!

Joon~

it’s been tearing me apart, never knowing what we are.

2011-07-20T23:01:00.004+08:00

i think i'm officially migrating from facebook to twitter:)
where i can post stuff in discretion
been telling jessica about some stuff and there's really something bothering me
how can people who know each other not acknowledge each other's presence
been happening so recently that i dont know what to say
it's not just one person.... :/
even when i smile it seems like they're just avoiding me on purpose.
as if i'm not trying hard enough.
you go to school complaining about homework and studying. i dont even want to wake up in the morning because it's such a torture to put on a smily face and acting like everything's fine
seriously. saphira says i shouldnt change myself for that. but how am i suppose to ignore it
where did my ever confident and noisy personality go to?
but i'm trying. at least i havent given up
with the 2 Us and 1E results, i still havent given up
so someone just tell me that the pain will be worth it in the end.

i never really appreciated how my friends used to endure my bluntness until now
i dont know if it's espcially hard for me since my class has so many girls.
but it shouldnt be a problem since i'm from all girls sch
but it is a problem-.- maybe i shouldnt have been so straightforward from the start

Jinhui Elena Regine Ziyu Zhuomin
thanks for always accepting me for who i am. and even when i'm so tactless at times
it gets so hard that i'm on the verge of tears
so if you're(Ching Yee hahaa) feeling tired and sick of all the drama
dont fret:) you're not the only one feeling like shit
just hold your head up i guess... and people who appreciate you and see the good in you will stay by your side.

What can I say?

2011-07-16T22:17:00.004+08:00

This week has been busy
Meet ziyu on mon and wanted to buy koi but when reach there the queue so long so bought another stall one. The I finished drinking my tea the queue for koi become so short. :( cheat my feelings Bleh:(

There was career fair on Wednesday:D
Quite cool leh especially the lawyers
Haha and I did something dumb as well
Went to ask the Navy people if they know my dad hahahaha
Super awkward and embarrassing... Hmm why did I even do that hahaha
Then there was choir and I took 961 back with gladwin
The bus ride was damn long but talked a lot so it was fine
Just that saw someone I didn't really want to see and further confirmed that she really doesn't like me

Thursday we left sch early to do PW project
The kindergarten kids are so cute! :D haha
Quite successful so I'm happy that there's still hope for our PW

Friday was as tiring as ever
Choir was super funny. Choir dinner with the committee members even funnier
It really feels nice when u have that grp of ppl that won't leave you out no matter what
And that we're all finding acceptance in choir
And they're not sympathizing with you but actually knows how you feel abt being left out in class
And assuring me that I won't get suspended from cca
Thanks so much!:)

What hurts the most

2011-07-10T23:30:00.002+08:00

What hurts the most

Was being so close

And havin' so much to say

And watchin' you walk away

i dont know what's wrong with me. as always

how can i say things so easily when those words that i say actually make my heart sink so much

why do i have to act like i dont care?

it's so hard.

on the bright side, i'm meeting ziyu tmr at clementi

to drink bubble tea and talk for fun:)

i have a good feeling that i'll feel better after talking to her

this blog has come a long way:)

it's the 240 post already. it's been 4 years

all the memories. how i wish they'll come back to me in the future

all the happy ones and even the sad ones

i can tell u my problems but you would never understand or know how much pain i'm feeling

i rather be hurting physically than mentally

The only exception

2011-07-05T22:54:00.001+08:00

Maybe I know, somewhere
Deep in my soul
That love never lasts
And we've got to find other ways
To make it alone
Or keep a straight face
And I've always lived like this
Keeping a comfortable, distance
And up until now
I had sworn to myself that I'm content
With loneliness
Because none of it was ever worth the risk

The lyrics seems to describe everything
I don't know why. But when I heard what someone said just now
My mood dropped totally. It was almost I was jealous of her
I'm starting to not recognize myself
This is what late night imaginations and overthinking and baseless assumptions lead to
Greater disappointments and greater fear

But that aside, ms lim was nice to us today:)
I really enjoy choir coz it's the only place where I seem to fit in
Maybe I'm just looking for acceptance.
Someone somewhere that accepts me for who I am not to judge me
Y does it seem so hard to find?

Alvls Chinese oral
你认为新加坡有男女平等吗？
The topic is so GP:/ I hope I did fine. But haven't been speaking much Chinese
Thinking back on the days in OG where Ching Yee would fine me for every eng word I used
Aw man, those were the fun days
Not the days where I live in fear of a cold war breaking out in my class:/
But maybe i'm the only one feeling that way:/
Maybe I should seek a counsellor
I asked zhuo min abt it too:/ maybe it's just me. I might find one day to visit the sch counsellor

City Hunter ♥

2011-07-04T00:30:00.004+08:00

CTs are over! but i have chinese a levels oral on tuesday

i'm gonna do badly for it. so unprepared. plus the tendency i have to not speak chinese.

those higher chinese people are probably just gloating away laughing

things have been better since the school started

maybe coz it's only been a week, but it's a start.

i'm not gonna pass any judgement on whatever that happens

though i did get a shock when i received your call earlier

if you're trying, i'll try too.

maybe things will actually turn out for the better

i would be lying if i said i would feel nothing if u and i became strangers now

but i've already gotten through 17 years of my life without another person to rely on

the brain says the logic yet the heart doesnt follow it

but i know what i want. and i'm not letting anything get in the way of it

"will u ever able to be close friends with your ex again?"

i'm sure i've asked that before already so i already know the answer

so here goes nothing.

we just cant see the good in ourselves

2011-06-29T20:44:00.003+08:00

Sometimes i just wonder how i get through each day

and i wonder why am i even trying so hard when no one notices it.

it's just so sad.

the other day elena asked me something after listening to my predicament - why does it seem like she has the whole world behind her?

i dont know. life's just unfair i guess.

monday morning had to sing school anthem

it was quite freaky but also quite good experience.

couldnt calm down in time for GP paper 1 but heck la haha

it's quite depressing to see the people that are the cheerful ones feel so insecure of themselves.

not like i should really comment much since i'm not in the position to.

but i just wanna say whenever i see you, i cant help but wish i was in your position instead

sometimes it just so painful to live my own life. if you only knew others are having a hard time as well, you're not the only one

i've never wanted anything more than what i want now

which is for everything to go back to normal

내가 미쳤나 봐 자존심도 없는지

2011-06-20T22:54:00.002+08:00

I dont know what's wrong with me these days.

Emotions running amok and controlling my mind.

I know what i want and i was pretty sure of myself the other day after another conversation

yet somehow i keep going back to square one.

here i am overthinking and worrying about someone that probably doesnt even spare a second to think abt me

let me tell u why i sleep at 5am once. seriously i'm going crazy.

i just want everything to go back to normal

back to how it was

i know. i can see the difference.

you stop taking the initiative to talk to me

fine. i'm fine with it.

i rather not feel anything at all actually.

Over thinking? Maybe

2011-06-18T01:27:00.005+08:00

School's starting in bout a week. it's been a well deserved and appreciated break

least i didnt have to face the drama in school for a month.

wish that it could be longer but happy times never lasts forever

though sch work and revision has been making me busy for the past 2 weeks, i'm kinda glad about it. it helps me get my mind of stuff which is actually causing much headache for me

though i wont be able to complete my homework and well i dont think i'll do well in the common test either

my mum thinks i'm still in primary sch. being able to complete holiday homework and get As in exams. get a reality check please.

been listening to korean songs again

how i miss the meaningful lyrics they contain.

마음이 다쳐서

숨도 못 쉬겠어

심장에 번져서

죽을만큼 아파 계속 아파

병원에 가도 내가

아픈 이유조차 찾지 못했어

내 몸이 다치면

아물긴 할텐데

마음을 다쳐서

눈물병이 걸려 낫질 않아

google translation seriously does no justice to the lyrics

it's been a sad half a year. though there were fun and laughter, the sorrow of recent events cant help but fill my heart.

it nice to know i'm not the only one in this predicament

but it makes my heart even sadder to know that the ones that dont like gossiping about others are the ones that are getting hurt.

still things happen for a reason and i guess i found out who truly are friends and well the backstabber in my class. at least i know i'll never trust her again

i'll fly even higher, show that even with your badmouthing, i'll still not fall

you said you'll be there when i needed help

but u disappeared recently

am i that easy to be given up on?

or are you just avoiding me on purpose?

life always goes on

2011-06-12T16:53:00.004+08:00

I just got a macbook pro:D whee. i swear it's the hardest laptop to figure out how to use in this century. but the screen is really nice. so when i watch videos the video colours are superb(Y)

the tagboard's back in operation again.

thanks to Jin Hui who asked me to put up a tag board. it's gonna get spam soon.

that's why i didnt want one in the first place

Jinhui, i was really confident

that i wouldnt feel anything

but why didnt it happen as planned?

HAHA:D

2011-06-10T23:07:00.002+08:00

alone-r

2011-06-08T00:54:00.005+08:00

I'm not the perfect person. I have flaws
You have them as well.
If i'm stubborn and thinking that i'm always right
then that's how i am.
Even when i stop thinking i'm always right
you still dislike me.
So maybe i'm just wasting my time
Since no matter how hard i try, you wont change your attitude towards me
If you feel inferior when i think i'm right, it's your own self esteem problem
because i did not demean u
I believe in my own words and that i'm certain about what i'm saying.
If you need to drag me down to feel good about yourself,
that's just sad.
so stop screwing with my life.
i just want to go back to normal.
is that something really hard?

Secret Garden♥

2011-06-06T21:15:00.002+08:00

Escape from reality - Dramas:D
Why cant life be more like a drama?
happy ending and all~

I've been thinking of the words you said a few days ago
i wanted to say something but i couldnt muster the courage to.
maybe the words you wanted to hear from me might never be heard because u gave up even before i gave the answer
well, regrets regrets. never ending regrets.
and i used to think my life could be one without regrets.

i will be happier next term
not gonna be easy but i'll try
after all the best revenge to haters is for them to see u happy isnt it?

I guess I meant nothing to you

2011-06-05T02:10:00.002+08:00

the feeling of having a lot of things u should cry about but no tears come out
YES that's what i'm feeling now

Get it right

2011-06-02T10:08:00.003+08:00

Call me jealous or not
I cringe at the sight of u with her. Why her of all ppl?
If only u knew how scary she is.
Sometimes I just wanna trust her coz she doesn't seem that bad
Then I'll remember how someone told me she doesnt like me and still act like she's my friend
And then everything she does starts to annoy me
I used to not dislike u.

Choir has been awesome with the most awesome people:D
ongxinerinaaliciamingzhensweehwajessicaaisyahgladwinjamesjitcornpengchengzhishengyifengweikai
Today was the performance for leaving ministers in the MOE
It was a no stress performance. just pure fun:D and the past few practices and dinners and lunch with the awesome ppl:)
We had so much waiting time. and the guys were being childish... as usual
The guys did the shuffling dance and trying to do the freeze dance move

Strawberries and cream from Starbucks is awesome
Must go drink again before they no longer sell it:)

It seems like eternity since I last talked to u.
and somehow i do miss talking to u. but i'm still not sure abt the whole issue

this goes out to the person who's suffering from a heartbreak now.
he wont be reading this but like i said. 90% of the guys in nj wont be able to do what u did for your gf
it's impossible to ask you to stop feeling sad but stay strong, you'll have to walk out of this
we'll always be here for you:)

rocketeer

2011-05-29T21:39:00.004+08:00

clumsy me dropped my phone down the overhead bridge stairs outside NJC. thank godness it didnt die on me. then the next day i accidentally wiped out my phone memory.
there goes all my messages. the ones that i keep and read when i'm down.
all i can say is. bye bye good old memories, maybe it's a blessing in disguise

even the last week of school managed to tear me down
the other day. i sat with ong xin for lectures,
when i went back to my class during breaks, i felt so left out.
fine maybe i should have sat with my class but i feel so awkward, insecure there
being left out, such tense atmosphere
yet i pray and hope that one day, it will get better.
but it doesnt. it gets so bad to the point i dont even want to go to sch at times
they didnt do anything to me. maybe it's just me. i never use to have a problem mixing in with people. why am i having this problem now?
is it fear? coz i know how scary people are?
the person that dislikes me actually smiles and asks if i'm ok when she's the one causing my misery?
so much fear.
i wanna run. yet there're strings holding me down.
so alone.
even when i'm in a room full of people

你不忍心打我
ofc i know why. i just dont wish to say the reason. i'm not that dumb.

2011-05-24T01:23:00.000+08:00

when did i get so bad?

2011-05-23T01:21:00.002+08:00

the other day, I learnt the difference between envy and jealousy
envy: the feeling u have when someone else have something that you dont have
jealous: the feeling that someone might steal or have something you alr own
never realised i've been using the wrong word for so many years.

is it possible to not dislike someone that doesnt like you?
i dont think it is. now i seem to find everything you do annoying and irritating.
and i once thought u were nice.
when others say you're nice nowadays. i'm laughing on the inside. thinking when will they see your true colours. i know it sounds mean. i dont know why am i even feeling this way.
i feel like a little 3 year old kid. experimenting with her feelings.
thinking how good it'll be if everyone was nice and that they would try to accept ppl for who they are no matter how irritated they are with them
or just go up to the person and tell the person what u dont like abt them
if u cant say it in my face, then hold your silence then.

maybe this's how life is.
at times like this, maybe need someone who can do more than telling u to cheer up and not be sad.

put a lid on it and stop it

2011-05-21T14:28:00.003+08:00

Me: I'm in depression
Rachel: you're out eating with us. How can u be depressed?
That's kinda true. I guess this week has been better
I'm gonna ignore u totally. Unless I do not have a choice to work with u for some group work or sth. I have no idea how many people u have managed to sway.
I'll change. But not to the extent where I lose my self totally.
That's a too large price to pay.
I guess the only time I was slightly myself was during OG times
Now all I can sigh at the person I've become. super boring and no fun at all. Worry at the slightest thing I say.
I hate the kind of person I've become.

I need to start studying. Econs chem and maths fail.
That's not a good thing. And I can't study at home either.
Maybe it's time to start camping at library.
And then at times like this I wonder how did I manage to get my 7A1

Ytd was choir music comm interview/selection
The sight reading was hard like don't know what.
But hmmm I was quite happy ytd so wasn't caring if I screwed the interview up.
At least I know someone's confirmed gonna be student conductor alr hahaha

Scared- never been this scared before

2011-05-16T15:52:00.002+08:00

U made me feel so bad about myself
U succeeded. And I thought I was strong enough to ignore it.
I lost my personality thanks to u.
If by hating me will make u feel better about yourself, go ahead and continue
I'm not someone that regrets decisions
But u made me wish I had gone to another sch, taken another subject combination
And I can only dry laugh when I was so happy to know u were in my class
Pain. Indescribable pain. Pain that cannot be shown.
Just continue with your act. I'll like to see how long u can keep up with it

the only escape- music

2011-05-15T23:57:00.003+08:00

and that's why i love singing so much.
music is my only form of escape. even with sleeping u dream of certain stuff you dont want to.

what happens when your best is just not good enough for others
and that u have no idea what's wrong with yourself that they dont like
sometimes i just wish i could brush it off as easily as some of my friends.
or just go up to them and ask what the freakin heck is your problem
i just wish i had that kind of courage.

SHE is just so scary. and yet i go arnd telling people that she's nice.
apart from that i found a group of people that could accept me for who i am
they're the ones that finally convinced me that maybe i could survive in jc
thank you so much. you guys pulled me out of my slight depression

i dont know who the heck i am anymore

2011-05-11T22:18:00.002+08:00

When did I start to feel so insecure of my own self?
When did I start thinking for 5 mins before saying things?
Why am I slowly losing myself?

We'll learn to continue walking after falling

2011-05-07T13:56:00.005+08:00

Gold without the honors:(
I know I shouldn't be sad but I can't help but regret. Could we have done better? I honestly have no idea. I guess the only thing that comforts me that the audience felt that we were a gwh choir:/
The past week has been tiring. Syf, econs and math test, PI submission, I'm just really glad that the week is over. But then I just had to fall sick at the end of the week.
I know I should have taken better care of myself.

Still this is one week that I'll never forget:D
Ytd, a few of us choir members went to KAP macs to chill :) It was super fun:D
As usual what's an outing without games, so yea we played 中计密码 haha I'm not sure if I got the Chinese characters correct
poor gladwin guessed the number 3 times and had to like eat the mixture of chilli sauce curry sauce pepper etc
I have no idea what else did yf put in. But i think Alicia's coke went in as well
but it wasn't that bad in terms of taste. Just a lot of garlic chilli. xD
then there was dare. Ox's dares are super scary. It's like throwing your face down the toliet bowl as quoted from James hahahaha:D
but it was super funny:D I have to admit though being scolded for choir and everything was bad but the people made me realise maybe it wasnt the wrong decision to pick choir:)
somehow I can't wait for the overseas trip nxt year:)
JC is still quite scary for me. But I'll learn to survive. I guess I just have to watch what I say more and smile more:D

I'm scared of u. Because you have changed so much. I don't know who or what to believe in anymore

no one's there even when i knocked repeatedly

2011-04-30T22:32:00.005+08:00

I'm kind of confused with myself. Am i truly happy or am i just faking it? Is it really alright to feel so happy? when everyone seem to be stuck with so much troubles and problems. Then i think about it again. i can honestly say i'm such a hypocrite
i've been looking through some of the past stuff and i realised how much a person can change in such short time frame. i'm disappointed.. some part of me never wanted things to change.

and i failed my chemistry lecture test. my one science that i had so much faith in. you let me down. i havent been focusing on my school work and i'm really worried. where did that mugging spirit in me during olvls go to?
oh yea i remember, i used to study with you. and then we fought over something so insignificant and that no one wants to apologise and give in.
it's because of you. i've become so clingy to people nowadays. and that's not my character
i used to be so easy going and non chalent about things.
why have i become so paranoid and over thinking about little matters.

still it cannot deny the fact that i'm a loner and will always be.
i'm still jealous of how people have it so easy, have a group of friends that never forgets about their existence. even if they're gone for a minute they'll notice.
i can be absent for a day. and people didnt even know that i was absent.
that's the most hurting part of all. i have feelings as well. your unknowingly forgetting me might have just caused my heart to be broken.

i have such a big urge to run away. but i wont. and i know that i cant. and that i dont have the courage to either.

so big

2011-04-30T13:55:00.003+08:00

Friday was full dress rehearsal for choir
so fun:D and ok. the gown wasnt that bad when everyone wore it tgt
but believe me we were all so envious of the guys!
I WANNA BE A GUY!
hahaha. Ms Lim is biased but i totally agree that the guys looked so much better than us.
Ong Xin was going on about how farouq looked like a chef.
Wei Kai and Zhi Sheng comparing their hair
and i scandalizing swee hua with brian.
that was super hilarious:D
it's not my fault that they look cute tgt while walking up the stairs of LT5
ok i think choir is fun when everything is going the way it should be
and the people in choir are just awesome.

still i got a little worried about something. i want to help yet i didnt know what to do
and i woke up with a huge stone crushing my heart.

sometimes life sucks so much. yet those events whether sad or happy will be those that we will remember for life.

HAHAHA

2011-04-28T19:53:00.002+08:00

i just feel like laughing all the stress away:D
i'm finally better. stopped emoing. that's good.
just that i'm lacking sleep these days.
been late in meeting my friends to go to school:(
and was late for choir today morning.

someone had the guts to criticise my PI
i had choir and i still stayed up to do.
and the person was not my ST
you better be thankful i was being nice that day
and that u didnt die that day.
i speak sarcasm as third language

somehow i get so angry at times that i dont even know when did it even become so bad.
i didnt use to get so angry in secondary school
why is junior college such a cold and scary place?
why cant everyone be nice and not take advantage of others
i'm disappointed in someone else as well after talking to ong xin
and i've realised how mean people can be sometimes.

Even the best fall down sometimes

2011-04-22T20:48:00.003+08:00

i realised i havent posted for a while
not been in much mood to post anything.
choir. school. and u know.
all i can wonder is when things will get better

is following and sticking to others the only way to fit in?
then if that's the case. i'll rather be a loner.
not that i'm not one already
it has always been that way.
and what was i thinking?
expecting everything to change when i changed school

i still feel like just disappearing.
i realised how insignificant i am.
how left out, how lonely, how little impact i make on people
yet i try to be all mighty and all.
what's there to do when u no longer have something to look forward to?

i miss u guys... a lot...
if only time could rewind

maybe letting go wouldnt be that easy

2011-04-18T22:06:00.007+08:00

the words are still echoing in my brain...

i wouldnt lie that it doesnt hurt.

it does... a little. i'm waiting for the day when i visit the places full of memories, i no longer feel anything.

maybe it's time to let go....

2011-04-13T21:29:00.008+08:00

i must get over it. but i dont think i can do what han guang tells me to do. it's gonna be like losing a part of me.

jinhui says dont listen to him. hahahaha

you two horh... making me confuse like mad.

so i've been thinking the whole day.

maybe it's time to let go...

i know i should be happy that i made thru audition

but it just didnt seem right today

it didnt feel good. then i didnt know what to say

i'm just so good at offending people sometimes i think i can just go shoot myself.

tact is probably something i've always lacked once i start getting comfortable with people.

usually when i first meet people i've kept comments to myself.

now i'm getting a bit reckless.

better watch myself better.

i just want to stuff my earphones in to my ear and turn up the volume to full blast and tune everyone out.

we were made to be siblings:)

2011-04-10T19:17:00.004+08:00

apart from PI making my weekend so miserable, Clive made sunday more livable!:D

hahaha thank you:) but i think i still will bottle up most things.

and i still think i'm smarter than u:D

and stop eating salt ok? hahaha

my class is super EPIC:D hahaha which i'm not complaining.

wisely's and rachel's daily quarrels are super hilarious

during H3 guidance curriculum we made them present on their conflict:D

rachel: "the sight of wesely's face makes me want to regurgitate my breakfast"

super EPIC:D

thank you ziyu! maybe i should have gone to acjc right? haha but no point regreting alr.

and yea cant wait to see you on sat:D btw i'm meeting zhuomin for breakfast at macs in the morning. you wanna join us?:D

u cant stay emo forever. someone who cares will be there to cheer up up always. and all i can say is thank you for always being there...

i'm sorry for that night where we both couldnt sleep and cried

your efforts are laughable

2011-04-09T23:26:00.009+08:00

i dont mean to be mean but what can you do when the facts are there and yet the people are not listening at all?

i know i shouldnt be angry at all as i'm not any better.

but it's just plain dumb.

Friday was just screwed. LT5 was freezing. literally freezing.

i think my blood slightly froze because my fingers became hard.

and our legs were like locked in place.

but staggered position was quite good for me.

at least it helped me check if i sang correctly.

but as usual we were still out of tune.

i was so pissed that i just felt like screaming when we were at the track walking to the bus stops. but i couldnt.

it just felt so hopeless.

i know i shouldnt be giving up yet but when will the scoldings and the going out of tune stop?

i'm fine with the scolding actually. i'm just freakin annoyed at the going out of tune part.

if pitching were a problem, we wouldnt even be in the choir in the first place.

i'm still trying to float in the water. maths... well it's getting better. i guess i just needed to ask.

what was i thinking? thinking that i could figure things out by myself. PURE STUPIDNESS

then giving advice to others when i myself couldnt even figure things out.

what am i doing? stop acting all mighty and full of yourself.

i think i may be on the verge of tears.

blogger has been giving me problems. as if there isnt enough problems in my life

sympathy

2011-04-06T21:40:00.002+08:00

And guess what? My class has started the truth and dare game.

it seems like that game is unavoidable. But then I was thinking. U don't always have to say the truth. A white lie does everyone good at times

it was nice to hear the choir in tune today. I finally had the same feeling for the song as when I first heard it. But then singing in LT 5 with such horrible and lousy acoustics is a totally different thing.

But I finally heard hope in our song

I'm exhausted. Singing and completing all my work and not falling asleep during lessons. My mental state is a bit off these days. I'm getting a bit retarded I think. My brain's like slowing down alr.

you said u'll be there. but when i turned.. i didnt see anyone. was it just one whole big text of junk?

doesnt mean i dont show it means i'm fine

2011-04-02T23:04:00.004+08:00

hope is the denial of reality.

we hope for things to happen. i hope that i will be in tune. i hope that one day i'll find someone who i can confide in. i hope that u'll start talking to me again.

none of this is gonna happen as we can see.

trying our best to not show anything. acting like nothing's wrong. life's hard. unfortunately.

and the countdown begins

2011-03-31T22:18:00.005+08:00

things to do:

1. find the piano score for masquerade waltz
2. eat coldstone ice cream again:D
3. steal kai ming's phone tmr to play tiny wings:D (actually no need steal.)
4. not be out of tune tmr:)

the last one is the most impt for tmr

we cant screw up tmr even though the chances of screwing up is close to 100%
or we'll just kana scolded again

2011-03-29T00:32:00.001+08:00

i know:(

i have sudden cravings for japanese foodD: hahaha

i wonder if u know that everytime someone mentions your name, i immediately start searching for you

I will get through this

2011-03-27T23:14:00.003+08:00

Jin Hui:D thank you for listening to me:D

we both know u'll still be treating me to dinner first.

it's a new week again. and i need to and will learn to let go. maybe only then i'll be a much happier person.

TGIF :D

2011-03-25T22:10:00.003+08:00

It's finally the day which we have been looking forward to since the past weekend ended:)
I feel so mentally drained this week. It isn't any better when I accompany zhuo min to school
Since I reach school at like 6.30.

I have been extremely missing someone to talk to this week
Heh so i've been relatively quiet this week
I guess maybe I'm lying when I say I feel extremely bonded to my class but hmm I feel a bit left out. But I'll survive. Have always been left out ever since I was in secondary school

Horrible timetable today. After Pw rushed straight to choir to be told off for being late. Got scolded a bit by conductor. Didn't pay much attention to it but we managed to recover and ended the session well. Conductor's mood got better after we sang itsuki:D
LT 5 was freezingly cold. But I guess it's better than no air con.
The PW lecturer tried to scare us by saying the air con will go off at 4.30. Heh sorry no effect, we're very used to it

___ is kinda ignoring me already. In the first place we weren't even close. What was I thinking. No wonder I feel like an emo kia in school nowadays
Jinhui I totally need u to like transfer school now :D or if not I transfer out:/

as expected

2011-03-24T22:59:00.007+08:00

my hunch was so correct. i definitely feel much more at ease in my secondary school.
even when i'm alone there.
which means either i have changed to being more reserved or i'm just putting a wall of defense around myself
i dont really like it. it makes me feel super sad on the inside.
but other than that, i've been relatively happy on the outside

so yea, went back to mentor people today as well as to visit the choir.
it's super sad and depressing being there. the standard is like rock bottom.
but it was nice seeing winny and all my other juniors.
i should have dropped by jinhui's house to say hi at 7pm.
then i'll probably be complaining to her until like 10pm :'(
maybe i shouldnt have pangsei her in acjc. time and time again i have to remind myself why i choose njc. but cant regret, after all nothing can be changed alr. and besides i wouldnt have done anything different.

i've been singing everyday for this week and i'm still quite worried that i'm using my throat to produce the nicer sound. coz my head voice isnt as nice.
SL says that it'll spoil my throat if i continue doing that
then i realise that
sometimes when u try too hard, u end up making things worse.

It's been getting harder. maybe it's because i'm trying to convince myself that i dont care.

things has just started to get interesting

2011-03-22T22:23:00.006+08:00

Hehe:D must be a bit more ego these days.
more like raise my own self esteem or i'll fall to the conductors scolding
today was better alr:D i barely felt anything.

i'm super tired actually. thanks to zhuomin, i'm going to school earlier and earlier each day. i kinda reach school at like what 6.55am everyday. but then i end up doing homework there so it isnt that waste of time.
and i almost didnt feel like posting but i know people are stalking my blog(love ya CY:D) haha so i'll be nice and post:D

i hardly see cassandra around so me and chingyee were joking abt it just now.
CY: EH i dont see cass around le. I only see u and Yiming.
Me: haha i also leh. seeing her is really on rare occasions
CY: ya then somemore she never update her blog. eh did she disappear? oh wait, i think she transfer to the school across the road alr:D

today is janice birthday
kaiming and wisely really bought janice tau huay (her fav) and i cant believe they even pulled vernon into the whole dumb plan.
it's not just buy tau huay. they kinda wrapped it in wrapping paper.
seriously. hahaha

things are still really fun, easy going around school
my posts are not really emoish coz well there's nothing for me to be sad about
we just have to live life as if tomorrow's the last day
and sometimes u just have to find that special reason for coming to school

is it the end or the start of something new?

2011-03-20T17:50:00.003+08:00

Daddy's back from paris! whee:D loads of presents so i'm super duper happy now:D
holidays are coming to an end
but hey! it's the start of a new term
i kinda like going to school better than staying at home
it gets my mind off some things that make me super emoish and that i get to be super cheerful in school:D well until something throws my mood off balance.

the two emoish people who are in my OG and probably the only two that will read this. er.. u two can get together and emo together. it's like i read your blogs then i get super emo and my posts become emoish too. HAHA.. jkjk
well let's put it this way.
it is their loss, not yours and if they left you, you probably deserve better

i need to start thinking the way i did during olvls. a little more relaxed and cool about everything. but then that's probably the reason why i lost you.

Endure

2011-03-18T23:02:00.007+08:00

Either i'll start to think that i really do not have brains or i'll get immune to the conductor's scolding

we got scolded again. this time i was less affected by it

but still our mood went totally down

at least we didnt shrink this time but i got a bit irritated.

thank god the part that we were made to sing 20 times was supposed to be sung with much fury and intensity

so after choir practice, we went to play pool.

well it didnt help in making us feel better.

and i felt worse cause i didnt even sink a single ball today.

sometimes i just feel like running away from everything that i have committed myself to

and that i wish that someone else without even asking knows exactly how i am feeling and that that someone will be able to make me feel better

well of course there isnt such things in reality...

忍

2011-03-16T21:31:00.003+08:00

regret

2011-03-15T18:56:00.009+08:00

I'm Sorry. 미안해. 对不起.

I lied. again...
if i could i would erase off everything i said.

heartache

2011-03-14T10:04:00.000+08:00

Visited keila at the hospital yesterday. And it was so heart wrenching.
She looks so sick:( and she was crying when they were trying to feed her strawberry flavoured medicine.
Oh I hope she recovers soon...

Yesterday I was listening to my mum talk to my aunt and I never realised how complicated my extended family is. There is so many problems and I was totally oblivious to it. my mum probably didn't want it to affect my life.
We can't choose our family, we can only choose our friends
So thankfully I have awesome friends:)

My dad's the best! There was this day when the fingerprint wasn't working so they sent a sms to my dad in paris. He didn't call to check if I was in school. He said that because he knew I would be in school.
How awesome is that. If it were my mum I think I would have been bombarded with 15 miss calls.
Sometimes I just feel like telling my mum to cut some slack. If she doesn't trust me means she doesn't trust herself because I was brought up and taught by her.

Going out for lunch soon:) at seoul gardens with like 1/4 of the class.
I'm supposed to be studying really hard this week. But hmm I seem to be busy on everyday of the week. Well at least I'll be doing hw with Ziyu tmr at yew tee's macs. I just hope we'll be doing and not chatting. Hahaha:)

second thoughts

2011-03-12T22:40:00.000+08:00

I love thursdays:) well at least before pw starts:)
Had sogurt outing with class.
The yogurt was nice but nothing beats the one I ate in hk.
And I wore specs on thursday.
Coz my eyes were starting to die hahaha
Kaiming kept saying I look like nerd. eh whatever. I used to wear specs everyday in sec sch.

Friday was track meet. It was super boring but at least there were awesome people there to alleviate the boredom. I feel a bit more dumb after being hit by green clappers and empty water bottle. Like as if I'm not dumb enough.
After that we had OG lunch. I abandoned the choir people. They went to eat seoul gardens!!! I want:( haha. but I'm eating that on monday with my class anyways
We went to amk in search for cristabelle's request of eating kfc but it kinda failed miserably
We ended up eating popeyes. Then went to the nearby void deck to play games
I guess we're pass the stage of playing truth. But there's still a lot we don't know abt one another. But it's weird. Is truth a game that is mandatory?
After that had to go back to school for choir.
And got scolded freakin badly by conductor. I'm a bit afraid to go for choir on wed.
Which got me thinking was it worth it to give up guitar for choir

Today I woke up at 5.45 thinking abt going to sch. I took me a few minutes to realise that it was saturday and that there was no school.
my cousin just got admitted to hospital for lung infection. Oh let her be alright, she's only like 4 and she's alr on a drip now.

tu piangi o filli mia

2011-03-09T22:10:00.000+08:00

I'm drained of energy. Not as bad as people in sports cca. But getting the correct colour of sound out of me. I'm kinda thankful I have choir experience so I know what they want. It's not just producing sound. So I have my maths tutorial in front of me but I have no energy or will to do it.

Today was fun:) kinda. Especially during econs when the fire alarm rang.
Hehe our class was at CA06, container classroom. So we kinda strolled down slowly. Haha then our PM thought that we had all been burnt in the fire. Hahaha
Then while waiting for them to dismiss us, we were taking photos. Hehe

I failed to control my mood again today. What the heck is wrong with me.
During contact, my voice was 100% dipped with sarcasm. My words were super blunt. Janice was like. U ok or not? Ahiya tmr I write letter to u.
Ok I need to do better at controlling myself. Or else it wouldn't be long before people start bitching abt me. I hope not. I'm a nice person:D

Tmr is super slack too! Can't wait for tmr. And there's no choir:) so not so tired!

MOVE ON. It's JUST A CHAPTER in THE PAST. But DON'T CLOSE the book, JUST TURN THE PAGE

200th post! [throws confetti]

2011-03-08T22:19:00.001+08:00

a bit too tired to blog. update tmr

199 post

2011-03-07T21:44:00.000+08:00

Hehe after so many years of blogging, this is the 199th post:)
Hahaha how cool is that.

I have nothing to blog today actually:) hahaha
So I'm just gonna say
I'm thankful for my ipod touch:) hehe

I don't think I can live without my ipod.
I remember when going for obs the item I missed the most was my ipod and well... Maybe the bed too but I think we get the point:)

So once again I'm doing econs which is supposedly easy but I don't think so.
And I have to say that the math teacher is super fail.
Even jian wei thinks so and he's forever late for lectures-.- if it were the pregnant math teacher he would have been asked to leave the lecture hall. We kinda wanted to go to LT5 but he said that they alr finished mathematical induction... Haiz
GREAT. We're gonna die miserably man.

stop being so sad

2011-03-06T22:42:00.003+08:00

Happiness and sadness run parallel to each other.
When on takes a rest, the other tends to take up the slack.
i need to be happier. needa stop letting the people around me worry.
i have an awesome life so what's there to even complain

Dad's in paris now for 2 weeks.
which means i dont have a choice but to go to school by bus = even if i wake up late i wont have an emergency driver to send me to sch hahaha

my teacher in primary school used to tell us about a kid grabbing too many sweets in the jar and thus the hand was stuck in it. only after releasing some then the hand became free
of course then we were thinking why cant he just pour all the sweets out. maybe because i was young then, i never really understood the meaning behind it.
now that i'm older, i realised that there are a lot of things i want to do
yet sometimes i have to just let go of some.
which i did.
and well i guess it works but some part of me still wonder if i had done the correct thing

must move on. life goes on anyways.
there hasnt been any good book to immerse myself in lately... probably it's time to visit the book store

2011-03-05T15:31:00.002+08:00

the a level results came out yesterday and to be honest i was a little afraid
in 2 years i'll be facing the same thing as them
and i have no idea what the future holds

after letting go of a few things and deciding not to look back and not regret,
i finally slept better. i guess sometimes i'll just have to let go
but i think most of the time, i'm just thinking too much.

there are somethings that i cant post here but those are the things that are bothering me the most. Lying is a skill. not in terms of telling the teacher that u have done your hw when u didnt but in terms of your own emotions and feelings.

Do you know what it feels like

2011-03-03T21:30:00.005+08:00

the times when i miss crescent:
1. when i want to sit cross legged on the table the way i always do but then realise i cant due to the gray uniform
2. when i see regine... haha.. i barely even speak to her nowdays
she's 24/7 canoeing
3. when Janice starts taking photos:D hahaha i used to avoid her DSLR all the time
4. when the math lecturer confuses me

i was sugesting to Janice that we sneak to LT5 during math.
the teacher at LT1 is super fail. hahaha
thank god my math tutorial teacher is super good.

i was earlier than zhuomin today! maybe coz i didnt sleep well
woke up at 2am, 3am, 4am, 5am
i think i'm suffering from insomnia... hahaha
it's quite bad. i havent been sleeping well for the past few weeks alr

then there isnt anyone that i can talk to....

emotions

2011-03-02T22:25:00.000+08:00

Band was finally in tune for the college anthem today:) which was damn cool because that note is always off. Choir has certainly trained my ears well:)Hahaha:)

During pw today, we had gc. To finish our introductions:)
Zhang lao shi showed us something that an hk actress said that was so mushy. Hahaha
The reporter asked, " if u were to go to a place in the world where would it be?"
She answered, " the heart of the person I love secretly."

We took so many photos today! Hahaha especially during relationship talk by the adam khoo grp ppl. It's such a pity gary(I'm gifted programme) wasn't around. If he had taken over the talk we'll all be laughing like mad. But he was at crescent doing I'm gifted programme for the current sec 4s:)

We had an activity where we had to draw what your partner describes
Wisely and kai ming pictures were hilarious.
I knew kai ming would have sabotaged wisely. It was like so freakin obvious hahaha

We had a chinese test. And haha I got the highest in my class:D
Which is awesome because it shows that my chinese isn't that bad:)
And hence it's no longer self denial because there is truth to my statement:)

I need to better manage my mood.
Didn't I say that I'll get through the 2 years without wavering.
Now I know how it feels.
Like I said, some things are better left unsaid and that it remain the way it is.

hmm... interesting

2011-03-01T21:36:00.002+08:00

有缘千里来相会，无缘对面不相识

I have a lot of things to say but somethings are better left unsaid

the choice has been made

2011-02-28T21:57:00.001+08:00

Yea and I'm in a super bad mood. Thanks to my parents
Aren't they supposed to advise u? Not DICTATE what you do.
I got so pissed that I submitted the cca form on impulse. Whatever. I'm not gonna care. I just wanted to make a decision that would ensure that after 2 years I won't regret it. And my mum says it's because of other reasons that I'm hesitating. She won't win when I start fighting with her. Just that my dad will tell me to watch my tone. Like WTH. If this was a debate, that wouldn't even apply

So now, I'm just blasting music and trying to spoil my voice.
I don't even know how I'm supposed to be cheerful tmr

"She really look like his gf"
"I know right..."

i feel like a super bad guy

2011-02-26T23:17:00.004+08:00

so after much thinking.. i think i'm joining one cca only.
which is choir and i feel really bad. i want a good portfolio maybe that's why but i feel so bad towards the guitar people
i guess that i wouldnt be able to cope when i take up mentorship in my secondary school.
making this decision has been really hard... it's probably the reason why i've been waking up at 3 am every morning.
but i guess it's for the best. i wouldnt want to be breaking down halfway and not be able to cope
sometimes there's so much u want to do but only 24 hours a day.

and just when i thought i recovered, i'm having sore throat again
it sucks like seriously... i keep thinking why am i so freakin weak... it's just doesnt sound like the old me
i used to be able to go without stopping... i wonder where did my confidence and spirit disappear to...

my class has been really really nice:D i've got nice people for project work too!
but the timetable has been driving me crazy
samuel has realised that i get really crappy when i'm tired... i feel so sorry towards them
especially during chem spa on friday (which i didnt break anything or set anything on fire.. in your face yiming hahaha) coz i was in a bad mood due to being really tired

i feel such like an evil villian sometimes...
i dont even know if i'm genuinely being nice to people.
someone can just shoot me. at least the pain is just momentary

i dont even know if my smile is true happiness or just a facade

i cant believe i need to proof-read my posts nowdays so that i wont get caught for grammar errors-.-

tired

2011-02-24T21:39:00.000+08:00

Yea and it's only the first month of jc.
Today was especially bad. Like I fell asleep on the canteen table while waiting for choir. Choir was fun in the terms of a choirist. I mean guitar is much less stressful but I've alr grown to like singing.

School feels much better nowdays when I know more people.
It's really nice.
And I'm trying my best to make as much friends as possible:D
Hehe even on the 67 bus. And it's quite cool that he knows weimin
Just that daniel jian wei olivia all asked how do I even know him.
Hahaha daniel says coz it makes no sense that two ppl who are not related in anyway become friends on fb. Hahaha

Today was super funny as well. We got lost in the freakin sch.
Guidance curriculum was in CR21, a classroom that nobody knows where it is.
We asked 3 teachers, the junior high as well as the senior high 2. And well nobody knew so we thought it was printing error.
Well at least we manage to find the class room in the end

I feel quite happy that I've recovered coz I finally have appetite to eat! Hahaha
The past two weeks been living on bread. I finally feel like eating rice:) hehe

And apparently when I change to speaking in chinese, it's really obvious.
I know when I speak in english I speak quite fast. But my chinese really don't have that bad. Yiming will just say it's self denial again. Damn haha

relief

2011-02-22T22:52:00.001+08:00

If the whole world were to turn upside down right now, I'll be under my table doing econs.
And I have to keep reminding myself that I'm a humanities person. I can't dont like humanities.
Today is super tired.
Choir ended at like 7.45. And I didn't have lunch today. BAD CHOICE should have eaten even though I alr ate at 9am.

So I was practically starving alr. And plus I ran 3 round with janice today.
Super unfit:( I think as a cresentian I should be able to run faster and longer.

So nicole who is super nice to me in choir asked me if I would be joining choir. And I feel bad if I don't coz she was really nice to me and they're kinda short of ppl for syf. Apparently the conductor wants 32 SH1s. But I was super happy I got my singing voice back and it actually sounds better than when I was in crescent.

I was moved to alto 1. And I used to be SL for alto 2. Sorry winny! U can change to sops if u want:)

So I'm currently in like 2 performing arts CCA which is super weird. I really doubt that I can cope. Not that I really like stress a lot.
Choir gives me more opportunities
Guitar is more relaxing and fun and can learn new skill.
This is hard. But I hope I'll come to a good conclusion that can answer to myself and not for anyone else.

I need to stop asking people if they know ___
Or they'll start to think too much. Hahaha

happiness or facade?

2011-02-21T22:13:00.003+08:00

today i was alot more cheerful.
i mean obviously when u get your voice back and u can talk all u want without coughing and even sing! i know i can finally hit the high notes ---AWESOME:D

though i was a little lost and afraid in the morning i got thru the day
my timetable is really "hiong" no joke
i am supposed to end at 4.30 today and i didnt have lunch....
sometimes i wonder why i never faint of hunger
my class is nice..
all nice nice people but u wont understand the relief i felt when i saw my OG during math lecture
it came like a huge wave crashing down.....
Ching yee and me are going to be talking in chinese. well more like i speak in chinese to her.
and it's bad coz i'll change to english unknowingly
so currently i owe her 65 cents:(
my chinese is not bad it's just that i speak in english at home, to my friends. it's hard to switch at that moment. and it's bad when i'm talking to yiming in english then chingyee speaks to me. and that's when i stun for a few seconds.

i guess i have to continue speaking to her in chinese tmr
lessons are quite okay didnt really do much today...
math is still the harder subject but i kinda understand after staring at it for a while.
the teacher is a bit blur so i'm a little speechless when he's teaching.
i mean even mrs gek is clearer than him and no one listens to mrs gek for emaths in secondary sch....

it's probably quite mean for me to say this but even though i really miss my secondary sch friends i will not compare them. it's too unfair...
my friends in NJC are awesome people too.

i have to say i feel much smarter without cassandra and yiming.
my classmate asked for my chemistry homework... hehe and i know how to do all the questions:D